Why did the Hedgehog cross the road?---to see his flat mate!
Why did the chicken cross the road?---Because the Ref on the footy pitch shouted foul!
What do you call a three legged donkey?--- Wonkey Donkey!
Whats a beef burgers fave car?---A rolls of course!
Did you hear about the Hypocondriac who was so full of drugs that when he sneezed in the dirrection of an ill person he cured them!
What do you do with a blue bannana?---Try to cheer it up!
My mum treats me like an idol. She gives me burnt offerings at dinner time!
Did you hear about the overweight man? He didnt get his feet wet!
How did you find your steak sir. I just moved a chip and ther it was!
Whats green slimy and goes hith?---A snake with a lisp!
What begins with t ends with t and has t in the middle?---A tea pot!
Whats a ghost fave food?---Ghoulash!
What bird is always out of breath?---A puffin!
hy did the fish blush?---Because the sea weed!
Whats black and white and red all over?---The mail!
Whats the hottest part of the sun?---Page 3!
What is all over the house?---The Roof!
Can a match box? No but a tin can!
How do you make a ham roll?---Push it!
What happened to the girl you cut in half?---She is living in London and Manchester
What is the best way to serve left overs?---To someone else!
Knock Knock Jokes Lymericks A few more of those little capers These are some of the VAST collection of jokes available to me. Every now and again this place will be updated with new Jokes and crazy Lymericks. So if you want to be mildly ammused then check back every now and again. I cant take it any more take me away from these gaggingly good jokes
Knock knock. Whos there?Ru.Ru who. R u comming in or not?
Knock knock. Whos there? Boo. Boo who?Aw come now dont cry!
Knock knock. Whos there?.Watson. Watson who? Watson the tv tonite?
Knock knock. Whos there? Duck. Duck Who? Duck or you will get hit!
Knock knock. Whos there? No one. No one who? No ones at my door!
Knock knock. Whos there? Howza. Howza who? Howza bout a cuppa tea then?
Knock Knock, Whos there? Luke. Luke who? Luke through the key hole and you will see!
Knock knock. Whos there? N.E. N.E who? N e one you like just let me in!
Knock knock. Whos there? Ivor. Ivor who? Ivor got a new coat. Do you like it?
Knock knock. Whos there? Phillis. Phillis who? Phillis glass up ta!
Knock knock. Whos there? Sacha. Sacha who? Sacha lot of questions!
Knock knock.Whos there? Europe. Europe who? Europe early today!
Knock knock. Whos there? Jupiter. Jupitor who? Jupitor hurry or you will be late for work!
Knock knock. Whos there? Tish-u. Tish-u who? No thanks I have plenty!
Knock knock. Whos there? Don. Don who? Don touch my flowers mate!
There was a young lady named perkins. Who was so very fond of gherkins. One day at tea, she ate 53 and pickeled her internal workings.
A safe craking thief called Mcbride, once blew a safe door open wide. When the dust cleared away. He was filled with dismay, for he found there was nothing inside.
There once was a lady from Ealing. Who just couldnt stop herself squealing. She squealed to the cat who tripped over the mat and the scar on his head is now healing.
There once was a lady of Lynn. Who was so uncommonly thin. That when she essayed To drink lemonade, she slipped through the straw and fell in.
A sleeper from the Amazon put nighties that were his grannies on. The reason? That he was too fat. To get his own pajamazon.
A bow legged Bobby from Kew, Said: 'I really dont know what to do'. I can stop with out fuss a lorry or bus but mini cars simply go through me'.
There was a young woman called Rose. Who had a big wart on her nose. When she had it removed her appearance improved but her glasses slipped down to her toes.
There was an old lady of Worcester who was kept awake by a rooster. So she cut off his head and made sure he was dead and now he cant crow like he use-ter
Help wanted: Man to handle dynamite. Must be prepared to fly around.
Some people say that fleas are black but I know thatis not trure because 'Mary had a little lamb with fleas as white as snow'
Here I sit in the moonlight, Abandoned by Women and Men. Muttering over and over, 'Ill never eat garlic again'.
Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating his christmas pie. He put in his thumb, but instead of a plum he squirted fruit juice in his eye.
The planned tug of war between England and France had to be prosponed--They cant find a rope 80 miles long
What did the sheep say at the gate?---After ewe!
What was the Lawers Wife called?---Sue!
If cheese comes after dinner then what comes after cheese?--- Mouse!
What is the hardest part of milking a hamster?---Getting a bucket under it!
What did the mayo say to the fridge?---Close the door i am dressing!
What is the best thing to put in to a Hot dog?---Your teeth!
What grows in your garden, Makes a sandwich, and is dangerouse if you run in to it?---A Hambush!
What would a vegetarian do to a buger?---bury the meat and plant the lettice!
What did the wind say to the storm?---Lets play Draughts!
Why did the boy call his dog sandwich?---Because he was a half-bread!
What did Cannable Lector do at his 40th party?---He played swallow my leader!
Did you know that they are not going to grow bananas any more? Yup. They are long enough already!
Last night I dreamt that I swallowed a 200Kg marshmallo. Hey where is my pillow?
